What to do the first week after a spouse dies.

Before the list: you are not failing if you can't do all of this in seven days, or if some tasks take much longer. Most of what feels urgent right now isn't. This guide shows you the small number of things that are time-sensitive, and gives you permission to defer the rest. (This assumes you were legally married. If you were partners but not married, your standing is different, and you should talk to an estate attorney early.)

Order death certificates

The funeral home will help you order certified copies of the death certificate, usually for a fee per copy. Order more than you think you'll need. Most surviving spouses use somewhere between 10 and 20 over the following months, for life insurance claims, retirement account transfers, joint property transfers, Social Security claims, and account closures. Ordering extras now is easier than ordering more later. Death certificates usually arrive within one to two weeks.

Make funeral or memorial arrangements

Once a funeral home is selected, you'll work with them to plan the service. Your spouse may have left specific wishes. If they didn't, the decisions are yours, with input from family, your religious community, and whatever feels right. There is no correct answer.

If you feel pressured to make every decision quickly, push back. Funerals don't have to happen within a set number of days, and most funeral homes will hold a body for a reasonable period while you decide. If your children or extended family want time to travel, take it.

Notify Social Security and apply for survivor benefits

The funeral home will usually report the death to the Social Security Administration, but confirm it yourself. If they don't, you can call the SSA at 1-800-772-1213. This stops future Social Security payments from being deposited, which would have to be returned anyway, and it starts the conversation about survivor benefits.

As a surviving spouse, you may be eligible for ongoing survivor benefits on top of the one-time $255 lump-sum death payment. Whether you qualify, and how much you receive, depends on your age, whether you are caring for the deceased's dependent children, and your spouse's work record. You can't apply for survivor benefits online, so you'll need to call the SSA or visit a local office. This is usually a week-two or week-three task, not week one, but know now that it exists.

Notify your spouse's employer

If your spouse was still working, contact their HR department. They will walk you through:

• The final paycheck, including any unused PTO payout
• Life insurance through the employer, often a meaningful benefit you may not have realized existed
• Retirement accounts (401(k), pension)
• Stock options or restricted stock units, if applicable
• Health insurance status (see the next section)
• Any other benefits, including FSAs or HSAs

Most employers have a process for this and will guide you through it. If your spouse worked for the federal government or military, additional benefits and processes apply, and that HR equivalent can walk you through them.

Health insurance: your three main options

If your spouse's plan covered you, this is one of the most time-sensitive items in the whole process. There are three main paths:

• COBRA continuation. Keeps the same coverage, but you pay the full premium, usually a lot more than what came out of your spouse's paycheck. Available for up to 36 months for a surviving spouse.
• The Healthcare Marketplace. Losing coverage from a spouse is a qualifying life event, which opens a Special Enrollment Period to sign up for a Marketplace plan, often with subsidies based on your income.
• Your own employer's plan. If you work and had declined coverage because you were on your spouse's plan, their death is a qualifying event for enrolling in your own employer's plan outside open enrollment.

The choice between them has significant financial consequences. If you can, talk it through with someone who knows the trade-offs: a financial advisor, a benefits counselor, or a knowledgeable friend.

Joint accounts and shared finances

You don't need to act on most of this in week one. What is true, and what can wait:

• Joint bank accounts with right of survivorship pass to you automatically. The money is still accessible. You'll remove your spouse's name later, but that can wait weeks.
• Credit cards depend on whose name is on them. If you were a true joint account holder, you can keep using the card, but still notify the issuer. If you were only an authorized user, which is the common case, stop using it now. A card in your spouse's name alone is not yours to use, even as a spouse, and continuing to use it is treated as fraud that can leave you personally liable for the charges. Move any automatic payments that draw on it to an account in your own name. Closing the account and settling the balance can wait for the coming weeks.
• The mortgage is still owed. If it's in both names, you remain responsible. If it's in your spouse's name only, the estate is responsible through probate. Either way, make the next payment normally.
• Utilities and household bills. Don't try to change every name on every bill in week one. Paying them keeps the lights on, and the cleanup can happen over the following months.

Begin the life insurance claim

If your spouse had life insurance and you are the named beneficiary (you almost certainly are), start this in the first week, because the payout often covers the funeral and the immediate transitional costs. Contact the insurance company, tell them what happened, and they'll send you a claim packet. It usually requires a certified death certificate. Processing takes a few weeks once the paperwork is in.

Locate the will and key documents

Now is the time to find the will, if there is one. Common places: a fireproof safe at home, a filing cabinet, a safe deposit box, or the office of the attorney who drafted it. The will does not get "read" aloud in a dramatic gathering. Your executor files it with the local probate court, usually days or weeks from now, so there is no rush beyond locating it. If you can't find one, probate can still proceed, and an attorney can guide you.

While you are looking, gather the documents the coming months will need: any trust, beneficiary forms for life insurance and retirement accounts, recent account statements, the deed to your home, vehicle titles, and any letter of instruction your spouse left. You don't have to act on these yet. Having them in one place removes a large source of friction later.

Contact your estate attorney if you have one

If you and your spouse worked with an estate attorney, contact them within the first week. They can confirm whether the will on file is the most recent version, explain what probate will look like, and answer questions about the assets in the estate. Probate usually begins in the weeks after the death, not the first few days, but having the attorney aware early makes the next month smoother.

If you didn't have an attorney and the estate has any complexity, such as real property, multiple beneficiaries, a business, or retirement accounts, finding one in the first week or two is a sensible step.

If you have children at home

Suddenly being the sole parent is its own crisis on top of grief. The first conversation, how to tell your children and what to say, is covered in the first 24-48 hours, since that talk usually happens right away. This section is about the practical support that gets you and them through the rest of the week.

• Accept childcare help when offered. A friend taking the kids for an afternoon so you can sleep or meet the funeral home helps more than you'd think. Say yes.
• Don't try to hold every routine. Some routines steady your children, like meals together, bedtime stories, and school. Others can pause for a week or two without harm.
• Name one or two on-call adults. Tell them they are your go-to for the next month. Having backup helps even if you never use it.
• Use school counselors and pediatricians. Most can recommend grief support for children. Even a call to ask what's available is a good first step.

What can wait

A lot of what feels urgent this week isn't. Putting these down is not negligent. It is necessary. You can't do everything in seven days, and trying will leave you empty for the harder weeks ahead.

• Closing your spouse's individual accounts. Accounts in their name alone freeze at death and resolve through probate. Not a week-one task.
• Canceling subscriptions and recurring charges. These can wait for the coming weeks; cancel them as you have the energy. If any bill a card in your spouse's name alone, move them to an account in your own name sooner.
• Selling the house, car, or anything else. Not now. Most can't legally be sold until probate has begun anyway.
• Filing the final tax return. That happens by the normal deadline. You can likely file jointly for the year of death, which usually gives better tax treatment. An accountant can confirm.
• Closing social media accounts. Most platforms have a memorialization process. Do it whenever you feel ready.
• Going through belongings. Many surviving spouses wait months, some wait years. There is no rush and no right timeline. Do it when you are ready.
• Forwarding mail and removing names from joint accounts and the deed. Do these within weeks or months, not days.

People who can help

Several professionals can take a lot of the load off you in the first week or two. None are required. Your funeral director handles the service, the death certificate, notifying Social Security, and grief resources. An estate attorney handles probate and anything complex. A CPA or accountant helps with complicated taxes or a business. A financial advisor helps you understand accounts and claims. A benefits counselor or insurance broker helps with the health-insurance decision, and some Marketplace navigators are free. A grief counselor or therapist is there when you are ready. Spouse loss often responds well to group support, and widow and widower groups exist in most communities.

Taking care of yourself this week

Being told to take care of yourself when you have a hundred tasks can feel patronizing. Some things do help:

• Eat something regularly, even small things. Grief kills appetite. Bodies still need fuel. Toast counts. Soup counts.
• Sleep when you can, even badly. Don't fight insomnia, and don't beat yourself up for sleeping a lot either. Both are normal.
• Accept help, specifically. When friends say "let me know if I can do anything," answer with "Bring dinner Thursday," "Drive the kids Saturday," or "Sit with me." People want to help and don't know how. Tell them how.
• Let someone screen your calls. A close friend, a sibling, or an adult child. You don't have to take every call yourself.
• Make no big, avoidable decisions. Selling the house, moving, quitting your job. These can wait. Many surviving spouses regret the big decisions made in the first six months. The exceptions are the time-sensitive items above.

If you need someone to talk to

If you are struggling, support is available. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is free and open 24 hours a day. GriefShare (griefshare.org) lists local support groups across the US. Soaring Spirits International (soaringspirits.org) is a free organization for widowed people, with online and in-person community. Many hospice organizations offer free grief counseling to families even if their loved one was not in hospice care, so call a local hospice and ask. Your funeral director or your own doctor can also recommend local resources. What you are going through is real. Reaching out doesn't make it smaller, but it can make it less alone.