What to do when a parent dies.

Two notes before the practical part. Some of what's below won't apply to your situation. States do things differently, families are organized differently, and the circumstances of a death change the order of operations. You are not failing if you can't do all of this in seven days, or if some of these tasks take much longer.

It will feel like everything is time-sensitive. Most of it isn't. A lot of what people think they must do in week one can wait until week three, week six, or longer. This guide is here to separate the urgent few things from the many you can put down.

In the first 24 to 48 hours

Confirm the pronouncement of death

A medical professional has to officially pronounce your parent dead before anything else can happen. If the death occurred in a hospital, hospice, or nursing facility, this has already been done. If it happened at home and your parent was under hospice care, call the hospice nurse, who can pronounce death without involving 911. If it happened at home without hospice care, call 911. Paramedics or police will come, and depending on the circumstances a coroner or medical examiner may be involved. Don't move the body until you have been told it is okay to do so.

Contact the people who need to know right now

Start with immediate family and any close friends who would want to know in the first day. You don't have to call everyone in your parent's life in the first 48 hours. The people who should hear directly from you, before they hear from anyone else, are enough. Other notifications can come over the following week.

If your other parent is alive and grieving, your job in the first day is largely to be with them. Practical decisions will need to be made, but they don't all need to happen at once. If you have siblings, this is usually when you start coordinating. Pick one or two specific tasks to divide, so that one of you calls extended family while another handles the funeral home.

Choose a funeral home

This one is time-sensitive. If your parent had a pre-arranged plan with a specific funeral home, contact them. If not, choose one in the first day or two so the body can be transported and held while you make further arrangements. Friends, the hospital, hospice, or your parent's religious community can usually recommend one quickly. You don't have to make every funeral decision right now. You only need to pick which funeral home will hold the body and work with you over the coming days.

The Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to give you a written price list before you make decisions. You can ask for it, compare options, and decline anything you don't want. You are not obligated to use the funeral home that first picks up the body if you later decide you'd prefer a different one.

Check for funeral or burial wishes

Before you finalize arrangements, it helps to know whether your parent left instructions about what they wanted. The fastest places to find them are a separate letter of instruction or "final wishes" document, a prepaid or pre-arranged plan with a funeral home (call and ask), or what your parent told the surviving spouse, the named executor, or family. If your parent was a veteran, they may be eligible for burial benefits and military honors, so mention that to the funeral home.

The will is usually not where you'll find this in time. Wills are often not located or read until days or weeks after a death, well after the funeral. Decisions about the body are made by the next of kin, usually the surviving spouse first and then the children, under your state's laws, not by the will. So don't spend these first hours hunting for the will. Finding and using it belongs to the first week, below. If you can't find written wishes quickly, it is okay to make loving choices on your parent's behalf.

Secure your parent's home and dependents

If your parent lived alone, the house needs basic attention in the first day or two. Check that the doors are locked. Bring in the mail and any deliveries sitting outside. If there are pets, make sure they are fed and cared for, whether by a family member, a neighbor, or a temporary foster. Perishables in the refrigerator don't need dealing with today, but they shouldn't sit for a month.

If your parent was caring for someone else, such as a spouse with dementia, an aging parent of their own, or a disabled adult child, arranging immediate care for that person is one of the highest priorities of the first day.

In the first week

Order death certificates

The funeral home will help you order certified copies of the death certificate, usually for a fee per copy. Order more than you think you'll need. Most families use between 10 and 15 over the following months, for insurance claims, account closures, retirement benefits, and property transfers. Ordering extras now is easier than ordering more later. Death certificates usually arrive within one to two weeks.

Make funeral or memorial arrangements

Once a funeral home is selected, you'll work with them to plan the service, whether that's a traditional funeral, a memorial, a cremation followed by a later gathering, or something else. Your parent may have left specific wishes. If they didn't, the surviving spouse, if there is one, and the next of kin make these decisions, with input from your religious community, family traditions, and what feels right. There is no correct answer.

If you feel pressured to make every decision quickly, push back. Funerals don't have to happen within a set number of days, and most funeral homes will hold a body for a reasonable period while you decide.

Notify Social Security

The funeral home will usually report the death to the Social Security Administration, but confirm it yourself. If they don't, you can call the SSA at 1-800-772-1213. This stops future Social Security payments from being deposited, which would have to be returned, and it starts any survivor benefits the family may be entitled to. Social Security pays a one-time death benefit of $255, but it goes to a surviving spouse or a minor or disabled child, not to an adult child settling the estate.

Notify the employer, if applicable

If your parent was still working, contact their employer. The HR department will walk you through the final paycheck, any owed PTO, life insurance through the employer, retirement account information, and other benefits. This matters early mainly because the employer can't process anything until they know.

Locate financial and insurance documents

Begin gathering, but don't try to close anything yet. The documents to start finding:

• The will and any trust documents
• Life insurance policies (the funeral home may ask whether a policy will fund the funeral)
• Bank statements and a list of accounts
• Retirement accounts (401(k), IRA, pension)
• The deed to any property they owned
• Vehicle titles
• Recent tax returns

You don't have to act on any of this in week one. You only want to know where it is.

Contact your parent's attorney if they had one

If your parent had an estate attorney, contact them within the first week. They can confirm whether the will on file is the most recent version, walk you through the next steps for probate (which usually begins in the weeks after the death, not right away), and answer questions about the estate's assets. If your parent didn't have an attorney and the estate has any real size or complexity, finding one in the first week or two is a sensible step.

What can wait

A lot of what feels urgent in the first week isn't. Putting these down is not negligent. It is necessary. You can't do everything in seven days, and trying will leave you depleted for the harder weeks ahead.

• Closing bank accounts. Joint accounts with right of survivorship pass automatically to the surviving owner. Accounts in your parent's name alone freeze until probate. Neither needs anything from you in week one.
• Canceling subscriptions, credit cards, and recurring services. These can be closed over the coming weeks. Don't keep using your parent's cards, since the balances are the estate's responsibility and settle through probate. When you are ready, send the issuer a death certificate and ask them to close the account.
• Selling the house, car, or anything else. Not in week one. Most of these can't legally be sold until probate has begun anyway.
• Filing the final tax return. That happens by the standard deadline. You have months.
• Closing social media accounts. Most platforms have a memorialization process. Do it whenever you feel ready, not in week one.
• Going through your parent's belongings. Many families wait weeks or months before sorting personal items. There is no rush and no right timeline.
• Forwarding mail. Do this within a few weeks, not the first few days. USPS offers Hold Mail and Mail Forwarding that you can set up online in a few minutes.

People who can help

Several professionals can take a lot of the load off you in the first week or two. None are required.

• Funeral director. Beyond the service, they help with the death certificate, notifying Social Security, and connecting you with grief support. Most are practiced at guiding grieving families through what comes next.
• Estate attorney. Especially useful if there's a will, real property, multiple beneficiaries, or any complexity. They handle probate, and even one early consultation can prevent expensive mistakes.
• CPA or accountant. If your parent's taxes were complex, or a business is involved, an accountant familiar with estate work saves time and reduces errors on the final return.
• Financial advisor. If your parent had one, that person can help you understand the accounts, retirement holdings, and any insurance the estate will claim.
• Grief counselor or therapist. Not necessarily for week one, but know that this support exists. Many people find it most useful after the first weeks, when the practical tasks slow down and the emotional weight catches up.

Taking care of yourself this week

The reality of grief is that nothing makes it shorter, and little makes the first week feel like anything other than what it is. Some things do help:

• Eat something regularly, even small things. Grief kills appetite. Bodies still need fuel. Toast counts. Soup counts.
• Sleep when you can, even badly. Don't fight insomnia, and don't beat yourself up for sleeping a lot either. Both are normal.
• Accept help, even if you don't know what to ask for. When friends say they want to help, answer with something specific. Bring dinner Thursday. Take the kids Saturday morning. Sit with me. People want to help and don't know how. Tell them how.
• Let someone screen your calls. A close friend, a sibling, or a cousin who is good at it. You don't have to take every call yourself, and most people understand a callback later.
• Skip the social media announcement until you are ready. There is no deadline. Some families post the day of, some wait two weeks. Both are fine.
• Drink water. Grief makes most people forget to.

If you need someone to talk to

If you are struggling, support is available. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is free and open 24 hours a day. GriefShare (griefshare.org) lists local support groups across the US. Many hospice organizations offer free grief counseling to families even if their loved one was not in hospice care, so call a local hospice and ask. Your funeral director or your own doctor can also recommend local resources. What you are going through is real. Reaching out doesn't make it smaller, but it can make it less alone.